You know what's a perfectionist's worst nightmare? Letting go of control.
The thing about highly ambitious, hardworking people is that we believe everything in life can be achieved with hard work. And if that doesn't work, we put in more effort. And more. And more, until we reach the finishing line.
But what about the times when you don't know where the finishing line is? Is it even there, or is it just an illusion that my mind is asking me to chase?
That's what it feels like to build something with no guarantee it works.
Taking risks
A year ago, I made a few big choices. Risky ones. But something in me said they were the right ones.
I dropped out of college because the kind of education I wanted for my career wasn't being offered there, and I am intentional with my time and money. I didn't want to waste either on something that didn't fulfil me. After that, I had a 6-month internship working as a copywriting intern. I learned a lot but the experience was so bad that when it ended, I didn't have the courage to apply anywhere else. I waited to feel ready. I took courses. I still didn't feel ready.
And then one day I got tired of waiting.
It hit me that I would never be fully ready for the life I was trying to build. But that realization alone wasn't enough. I needed proof.
Here's the part I don't talk about enough. While I was sitting with that fear, the people around me were making it louder. My family is still upset with me for not pursuing CA, for giving up after my first attempt. And I think I am currently in one of those phases in my life where I am done living on other people's terms and expectations. But that doesn't make it easier. When parts of you are already scared that you might have made some bad choices, and then the people around you say it out loud — it makes you doubt your path even more. It makes the whole thing feel extremely lonely.
So I needed proof. Not for them. For me.
I hate failing
I started doing this project where I built my own learning curriculum to build real skills. Not one of those theoretical courses with lectures and no actual practice but rather a structure, where for every week, I learn a particular skill and immediately implement that knowledge by doing a real task on a real brand.
Oh shoot, I forgot to mention what I'm learning though — it's digital marketing.
And to make sure I didn't procrastinate or make excuses along the way, I decided to document this entire journey on my Instagram page. Because people like me hate failing and we hate it even more in public.
The progress
Fast forward to now. I'm in week 5 of this project. I've learned SEO, Google Ads, Meta Ads, organic social media, and email marketing — and I've made some genuinely good portfolio pieces along the way.
The project isn't finished yet. But I already feel way more confident than I did two months ago when I started.
I figured out something about myself during this. If I'm given enough time and space, I always somehow learn and finish what I set out to do. Yes, it's not perfect all the time. I lose motivation more times than I gain it. Some projects take longer than I anticipated. But either way, I always figure it out somehow.
So does that mean starting your own self-paced learning project is the answer to building confidence?
Yes and no.
Yes, I feel more confident about joining the workforce again. But there's a huge part of me that is still very much scared. Still asking — what if even this is not enough? What if people still find a way to make me feel small because I don't have a college degree? What if I'm stuck in the intern zone forever?
I'm letting those questions sit for a second, because I think they deserve more than a quick pivot to positivity. Those fears are real. They show up on the good days, not just the bad ones. And if I started naming every single fear in this blog, you'd stop reading before the end.
But somewhere inside all of that, I've found something that feels like faith. Not the kind that makes the fear go away. The kind that says move anyway. Moving forward without a clear direction is scary. But staying still isn't helping anybody either. So you do it anyway.
Real talk
I'm sorry if this starts feeling like a spiritual guru giving life lessons. But I'd be lying if I said the hardest part of this journey was doing the actual work.
It wasn't.
We're all moderately smart. We're all going to make it eventually. The real challenge is getting out of your own head — the one that constantly tells you that you're not enough.
For me, the challenge was never just about the path I chose. It was about choosing it while everyone around me called it crazy. Because for some reason, people think you're stupid if you're not following the usual route of school, college, and then one of the respectable jobs that the people around you actually understand.
Sometimes this path feels so lonely that I feel like I can never ask for help or support from the people closest to me. And yet, here I am. Still showing up, in all the big ways and all the small ones.
So here's what I want to leave you with.
Don't do it for the world. Don't do it for material success or to prove something to someone who was never going to believe in you anyway. Do it for you. Do it because you enjoy it. Do it because it's fun.
Do whatever bro. We're all gonna die anyway, LOL.